Daily Quotes Blog

This past week's collection of quotes of the day:

Today's Quote
I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on with my real ladder.

-- Harry Hill

Yesterday's Quote
I ain't saying the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance...she leaned over and pushed me.

-- Unknown

Thursday, July 29, 2010
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.

-- Emo Philips

Wednesday, July 28, 2010
We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. A girl would spin the bottle and if it pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a dime. By the time I was 14, I owned my own home.

-- Gene Perret

Tuesday, July 27, 2010
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

-- Steven Wright

Monday, July 26, 2010
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy.

-- Woody Allen

Sunday, July 25, 2010
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

-- Rodney Dangerfield